She Said–My Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad, Day

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It all started with the scales.

I haven’t wanted to enter 40 being the proverbial, “Fat, Forty, and Fatigued,” so I started exercising.

I have been running regularly for about 3 months.  The first week, I lost four pounds, and I was ecstatic with the results. I thought, “Eight more weeks of this, and then I can go back to my lazy ways.”  In the following 2 3/4 months I have lost 1/2 a pound or gained 1/2 a pound depending on where I step on the scales.  SO after running three miles today, I stepped on the wrong side of the scales and had gained 1/2 a pound.  Things just got heavier from there.

Thursday is soccer practice night, so I made sure that I had a healthy ” balanced meal” for the kids.  (The “balanced” part is that they ate it on their laps on the way to soccer.)

My oldest chewed all his meat then spit it back on his plate.  I didn’t discover this until later as he was in the backest seat.

My plate hit the front windshield at the first stop sign.

There are two people in town that actually like me.  One is moving in July.  I found out at soccer practice today.

After practice everyone needed showers.  The girls got in and I realized Little Man needed a poopy diaper change so, I undressed him in the bathroom intending on getting him into the tub as soon as the girls got out.  I left the bathroom to wash dishes.   Apparently, Little Man wasn’t finished with his job, as he pooped all over the bathroom floor, and then walked in it.  I had one naked, clean, girl in the shower and one naked, poopy, boy needing to go into the shower.  I waded in and lifted a wet  Eloise out of the shower and deposited her in the hall.  As I was putting Little Man into the shower, the phone rang.  It was an election poll and the machine wanted to know how I was going to vote.

I heard playing outside and realized that my clean girls in their jammies were running around the neighborhood.

As I couldn’t leave the bathroom, I yelled “threatenings and slaughter” out of the window.  I’m sure my neighbors were impressed with my Christian-ness.

As I was disinfecting the sink, I used some potent chemicals that burned my hand. Then the phone rang again.

As I was disinfecting the toilet, I heard the sound of tinkling glass.  A goblet had been broken while loading the dishwasher.  Then the phone rang.

As I was disinfecting the floor, I turned around to see Little Man sucking on the Toilet plunger–the bottom part.  How do you disinfect a baby’s mouth? Then the phone rang the fourth time.  I drained the defiled water and washed Little Man up again.  As I was lifting Little Man out of the shower, Eloise said, “Mommy, I’m hungry.” .

I couldn’t put jammies on Little Man because I haven’t folded laundry in a while.  My excuse is, “I’m sorry kids, but I was very busy wasting valuable time on Facebook.”  (I wonder what my excuse was before Facebook?)  So tonight Little Man is sleeping in overalls.  Then my oldest son said, “I’m hungry.”

I realized the best plan of attack was just to go ahead and feed everyone again.  (Remember that variable half pound?  I’m sure it has nothing to do with a second supper.)

My Scout has an eye infection that I am worrying about.  I worry even when I am mad.

I went to comb out Eloise’s hair and realized that she had a big glob of conditioner on the top of her head still.  She had to be rinsed again.  And yes, the phone rang again.  It was my Hunni.  He wanted to know how my day went.

I wonder if they have days like this in Australia?

So, How was your day?  If it involves room service, spa treatments, the Caribbean,  Lobster Bisque, or a weight loss tip, please don’t leave a comment.

You may leave advice if it involves how to disinfect a one year old’s mouth after he has sucked on a toilet plunger–the bottom part.

The End (I hope.)


ps. If you would like to purchase the afore mentioned book, simply click the following link…which will schoop you off to Amazon.
The Nunga Punga & the Booch


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