Recipe–My X-Boyfriend’s Wife’s Smokey Ribs (Recipe)

Like most, I have an X-boyfriend.

Unlike most, he married my cousin. 

Like most, he was a part of my life, and I will probably always kind-of  wonder how he is doing.

Unlike most, all I have to do is pick up the phone and call, as my cousin is also one of my close friends.

Like most, the first couple of times we met after going our separate ways, it was a bit uncomfortable.

Unlike most, we decided to wade through the morass of discomfort and get to higher ground.

Like most, it probably would have been easier to go our separate ways.

Unlike most, we made the effort to get together and our kids all enjoyed playing together.  That is until they decided to move all the way across the country.  We still miss them–heaps and oodles.

Like most, there have been some embarrassing moments.  Like the time we drove up to their place for a visit.  It was a three-hour drive, and we were in a particularly penny-pinching month  (either that or we were avoiding fast-food, I can’t remember.)  ANYWAY, for some reason, we decided to skip supper and hope that they offered some.  We arrived late and hungry to a house that smelled of BBQed ribs.  We scarfed them down, sucked on the bones, smacked our chops, licked our fingers, and just barely refrained ourselves from licking our plates.  The hostess graciously suggested perhaps that I might enjoy having the recipe. 

So to avoid all of ya’ll the same embarrassing lip smacking, scarfing of ribs, in the presence of your X-boyfriend’s wife, I will graciously give the recipe to you.

You can thank me in the comments section.

Or you can thank me by a monetary donation to the not-for-profit fund, “Get A-Way’s After Embarrassing Moments”–which funds a “get-away” trip for ladies who have embarrassed themselves by putting their foot in their mouth–or several ribs.

I believe all the proceeds would go to me.

Enough!

Let’s cook.

Ribs have always been very near-and-dear to men’s hearts.

Men love ribs.

I guess it stands to reason since Woman was made from a rib.

Men also have a different definition of “romantic.”  Now to me, a woman, there is nothing at all romantic about eating ribs.  Just the opposite.  Eating ribs, I feel a bit like a troglodyte gnawing on a bone.   But take The Hunni out for an anniversary dinner, and chances are. . . .ribs will be ordered.

Now to me, a woman, shrimp and pasta sound much more like a “romantic dinner.” Howsoever, shrimp was served at my wedding, and I distinctly remember my One Hour Husband saying, “Shrimp!?! Who would want to kiss anyone who had just eaten that?”  The Louisiana shrimp I had been about to enjoy stayed on my platter.

Conclusion:  Thirteen plus years of marriage has taught me that if I am planning a special supper, go to the grocery store and buy. . .

and buy. . .

(who do you think is going to win?)

And buy. . . .

(the ribs or the shrimp-n-pasta?)

And buy. . .

(the guy’s choice or the girl’s?)

And buy. . .

(did you guess?)

And buy. . .

whatever is on sale!

At least that is the way things happen here at My Whit’s End.

Thankfully ribs were on sale recently because my brother and his wife (mon amie) were coming up for the weekend.  We used to try to all go out for dinner, but after a couple of fiascos and a few more kiddos, we now usually eat in.  Instead, we had an All-American meal of Smokey BBQed Ribs, Mac-n-Cheese, and Deli Cole-Slaw–you know, a super low-fat meal.

Now The Hunni loves ribs, but he doesn’t like them if they are too greasy.  My X-Boyfriend’s Wife’s Ribs (recipe) weren’t greasy.  The secret, My X-Boyfriend’s Wife said, was to cook the ribs WITHOUT a sauce/glazed, then for the last 30 – 60 minutes slather the sauce on thick.

So if you want non-greasy ribs, you will never ever find them, as they don’t exist.  However, if you want some less greasy ribs, follow this recipe.

Rinse your ribs and salt, pepper, and garlic-salt them on both sides.  Put them on a cookie sheet and cover them with foil.  Bake them on  low (oven = 250 degrees) for over four hours.  Take them out and drain off all the grease.  Transfer them to another cookie sheet or roasting pan for the last 30 – 60 minutes.

If you have pre-planned, you will have made the Smokey BBQ Sauce and cooked it in a saucepan on low, during the last 30 minutes while the ribs are cooking.  The Smokey BBQ Sauce does taste a little better if you have a chance to warm up the spices and meld the flavours.

HOWSOEVER, if you are more like me, I had to throw this all together at the very last minute.  I didn’t even have a chance to measure the ingredients as kiddos were everywhere and VERY hungry.

Don’t worry.  I will give you the measurements that my X-Boyfriend’s Wife gave me.

Measure 3 cups of ketchup into a bowl.  This recipe is for two racks of ribs with a little sauce left over for dipping.

Add 1/2 cup of brown sugar.   Brown Sugar is just white sugar with molasses added back into it.  The Molasses adds flavor, texture, and trace minerals.  Brown sugar actually has more calories than white sugar per weight.   http://www.differencebetween.net/object/difference-between-white-sugar-and-brown-sugar/ and http://abcnews.go.com/2020/story?id=1658232&page=1

Now add 1/2 cup of molasses.  Molasses is usually made from sugar cane (can also be made from sugar beets.)  Blackstrap molasses comes from the third (and final) boiling of the sugar cane.  It contains about 20% of the daily recommended amount of calcium,  magnesium, potassium, and iron.  (from Wikipedia)

File:Sugar cane madeira hg.jpg

Sorghum is about the same thing, but made from a different plant.  Sorghum can be grown in dryer, soil impoverished areas.  (from Wikipedia.)

File:Sorghum.jpg

Sorry, I get off on these trails.  I just like nuggets of knowledge.  Back to cooking.

Add 2 tablespoons of vinegar.  I used Balsamic vinegar, but you can use whatever kind you have on hand.  Balsamic vinegar is. . . .bear with me on this tangent.

“True balsamic vinegar is made from a reduction of pressed Trebbiano and Lambrusco grapes.[4] The resulting thick syrup, called mosto cotto in Italian, is subsequently aged for a minimum of 12 years in a battery of seven barrels of successively smaller sizes. The casks are made of different woods like chestnut, acacia, cherry, oak, mulberry, ash, and, in the past, juniper. True balsamic vinegar is rich, glossy, deep brown in color and has a complex flavour that balances the natural sweet and sour elements of the cooked grape juice with hints of wood from the casks.”

File:Barrels vinegar.jpg

Basically, the stuff I can afford isn’t TRUE balsamic vinegar, but a commercial produced one.  Which means it probably is some Balsamic vinegar with some grape juice or wine added.  I’m okay with that.  It still tastes pretty.

Add 2 tablespoons of Liquid Smoke.  Weird.  What is Liquid Smoke?  Hang on. . .

A guy named Ernest H. Wright came up with the idea of “condensed smoke”.  He was a chemist and served a ham with liquid smoke in it to his guests.  They loved it and a company was created.  “Liquid smoke consists of smoke produced through the controlled burning of wood chips or sawdust, condensed into solids or liquids and then dissolved in water.”  (from Wikipedia.)

Add 2 tablespoons of Worcestershire Sauce.  I was told by a British man that you never say the “shire” part of the word.  You just leave it off.  He said that Worcestershire sauce is just pronounced “Woster Sauce.”  I did not argue with him as I was eating and drinking at his table.  Besides, he was British and therefore unequivocally correct on all matters.  Wikipedia “allows” two pronunciations, “wuust-tar-shire” and “wuster”.  If you eat and drink at my table, I don’t care how you pronounce it.

“The ingredients of a traditional bottle of Worcestershire sauce sold in the UK as “The Original & Genuine Lea & Perrins Worcestershire sauce” are malt vinegar (from barley), spirit vinegar, molasses, sugar, salt, anchovies, tamarind extract, onions, garlic, spice, and flavouring.   The “spice, and flavouring” is believed to include cloves, soy sauce, lemons, pickles and peppers.”  (from Wikipedia)

Add 1/4 cup of mustard.  I used Honey Mustard, but regular ol’ mustard will work just fine.  And since you know it is coming.  Mustard is. . .

File:Yellow mustard flower.jpg

Although mustard plants grow in many regions, Canada produces 90% of all commercially used mustard.  In fact, it produces half of the world’s supply of mustard.  Mustard seeds are harvested  http://www.saskmustard.ca/grower/index.html

Prepared mustard is basically ground mustard, salt, lemon juice, salt, and vinegar.  Tumeric makes the color yellow.  Mustard loses it’s “bite and punch” when heated.  Just an interesting fact.

Add as much of this as you dare.

http://www.tabasco.com/avery-island/

Baste both side.  I used two tongs to flip the racks over.  Cook them at 350 degrees for another 30-60 minutes.  If you are in a hurry, you can broil them for a few minutes to carmelize the glaze a bit.

MMMMMMmmmmmmmm! good!

Enjoy.

You can thank me.

I will thank my X-Boyfriend’s wife.

Who will “thank her lucky stars”  for the man at her side.

And they all lived happily ever after.

jum, jum,

(Which is Eloise for “please miss me a little while we are apart, but other than that have a great day.)

–rebecca

P.S.  Here are the cousins “nestled all snug in their beds.”

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2 Responses to Recipe–My X-Boyfriend’s Wife’s Smokey Ribs (Recipe)

  1. Suzanne says:

    You just needed andrewjeremynathanandluke…..

    Like

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