Newpaper Headlines from Here to There: How to Breakfast–The Ten Step Plan
- Wake Up. This is important, as I am not always fully awake when I start to breakfast. For proper Breakfasting, one must be fully awake.
A great way to wake up is to head outside and breathe in the cold air.
Take in the view.
Watch the sun come peeking up over the mountains.
Gaze at the lingering morning fog.
2. Grab a coffee. A good breakfaster starts with Peet’s Coffee that has just been brewed. Add a dash of cream and sugar and stir.
3. And then take a second stroll around while sipping your Peet’s coffee. Consider it your apèritif.
This second stroll heightens the breakfast appetite and is necessary to truly breakfast well.
4. Steal a piece of bacon. (And if Bacon is not part of the menu, then it will not be a Proper Breakfast, and you will have to skip to Step 5.)
You can complement the cooks and chat, but when you have that chance snag a piece. Consider it a breakfast appetizer.
5. Hang out near the cooks to visit. This is necessary for two reasons. It gives the appearance of actually working, . . .
. . .while at the same time learning some valuable cooking tips without actually working.
6. Offer to help only after you see that the cooks really have everything under control. Stirring is a really practical way of looking busy without actually doing anything. This helps you breakfast properly by releasing the flavors into the air, and keeps you from getting a real job in the kitchen.
A Practical Tip for Breakfasting #1: Keeping the counter between yourself and the cooks is a great way to distance yourself from actually working.
Practical Tip for Breakfasting #2: Putting your feet up and picking up a good book or petting your dog/cat is another great way to distance yourself from actually working.
Practical Tip for Breakfasting #3: Taking a moment to download some books is yet another great way to distance yourself from actually working.
Of course if these tips do not work, resort to wandering around and commenting on the great architecture. (Commonly referred to as Tip #4 by professional Breakfasters.)
7. When the cooks have finished working their culinary creations–and you have strolled, coffeed, baconed, sat, read, relaxed, downloaded, architected, and thouroughly wetted your senses–you now can sit down at a well set table and enjoy The Breakfast. Menu: More Bacon; Fresh Figs & Blueberries & Raspberries; California Market Breakfast Hash of Sweet Potatoes, Onions & Non-Sweet Potatoes; French Toast with Maple Syrup; Peet’s Coffee, and of course great hosts.
Ahhhhh! Now that is to have breakfasted.
8. Enjoy the wonderful feeling of a well filled stomach and an overflowing heart.
If your breakfast apéritif was coffee with a stroll in the garden, your digestif would be more coffee with a photo to capture the memory of having breakfasted properly.
8. So take a photo.
. . .or two. . .
. . .or three. . .
or more. . .
. . .and remember, photo shoots are like politics, they are never without some yelling and rearranging and debating and jostling for positions and adjusting angles and points of focus and listening to expressions of dissent and such–
(At least that is how cameras roll at My Whit’s End. 🙂
9. Step nine is The Exit.
You begin Step 9, by uttering the one word, “Well. . . . . .” (punctuated with a satisfied sigh)
And then you take a long lingering look around you. . .
. . .taking in the view one last appreciative time. . .
. . .and then you repeat the word+sigh one more time (drawing it out), “Well . . . . . . .”, but this time you add the cue, “I guess it is time we need to be getting on the road.” PLEASE NOTICE, you do not make mention of the dishes that need to be done inside the house! This is a gracious way to exit without having to actually helped. It gives the appearance of maybe even forgetting that the wonderful breakfast just served somehow happened without a mess being made in the kitchen. This is the important last step in “How to Breakfast”.
10. Step 10 is just getting in the car and leaving, and that is well. . ., an obvious step, so we won’t dwell on the details.
Try not to forget any of your belongings as you don’t want to be making a trip back.
It is very awkward to come back 20 minutes later to retrieve a belonging as the host will be right in the middle of cleaning up, and the ruse that you somehow didn’t realize there was a mess in the kitchen to clean evaporates.
A final tap of the car horn at the end of the driveway is a great thank-you gesture. It also signals to the host that they can now begin the clean up.
And that my Readers is the “10 Step Program” on “How to Breakfast.”
–The Culinary Consultant